Swabeng Top 10: Behaviors Fatherhood Doesn't Excuse

After posting the second read I found from askmen.com, I can't help it but to post the third one I got from them. For me I don't take any lame excuse on life as to why this and why that. And that's why I am posting this to remind myself to keep on improving and not to make any excuses.

Top 10: Behaviors Fatherhood Doesn't Excuse

There are few jobs as demanding as being a father. From clothing, feeding and changing your child to playing endless games of peek-a-boo and pat-a-cake, being a good dad can be an around-the-clock racket. And while fatherhood can certainly change your schedule, it shouldn’t change your core values. The same behaviors that you considered reprehensible before you had a “Mini-Me” should still be avoided at all costs now that you have a child, regardless of how sleep deprived you may feel.

Come along as we examine the top 10 behaviors fatherhood doesn’t excuse. To be clear, what we’re talking about are the inexcusable behaviors that many new dads carry over from their baby-rearing lives into those other spheres where babies have no place.

No.10 Assuming everyone is as interested in your baby

We appreciate that your new bundle of joy has become the center of your universe, but that doesn’t mean strangers are interested in hearing every dull detail about their “miraculous” milestones. That’s especially true when it comes to their minutiae of their frighteningly frequent potty sessions. Although the density, color, smell, and heft of your child’s colon cannonballs may be endlessly fascinating to you and your spouse, we can guarantee that no one else will be moved by stories of their toxic bowel movements.

No.9 Always calling home to check in

We think it’s admirable that many new fathers take on the role of protective papa bear when their newborns enter the world. However, there are few things that interrupt the flow of an evening more than an anxious father who calls home every few minutes to make sure his baby is still breathing. Experience has taught us that there’s a fine line between being responsible and being a paranoid nutcase, and that line usually starts after the third phone call of the night.

No.8 Starting to look like a donkey

Babies are not light packers. Even a simple trip to the corner store often requires three Sherpas just to carry all of their toys, diapers, clothing, and accessories. However, under no circumstances is it acceptable to store any of those odds and ends in a fanny pack. There are just some things big boys don't wear. The day you wear a bum bag in public is the day you should be required to donate your testicles to charity.

No.7 Humming children's tunes

We appreciate that many new fathers spend 90% of their waking hours listening to nursery rhymes and Barney sing-a-longs, but do they really have to continue to hum these inane tunes while they’re not on daddy duty? Do yourself and your fellow man a favor by keeping these simpleminded songs quarantined at preschool where they belong.

No.6 Being late for everything

It’s a well-documented fact that babies can bring the pace of your life to a screeching halt. Sometimes even getting them out the door is an operation requiring more tactical precision than Desert Storm. However, just because you’re now a father doesn’t mean you’re suddenly allowed to show up late for every important function and meeting. Simply plan your outings more carefully, taking into account the extra time it will require to bathe, feed and clothe your child before they throw up and you have to bathe, feed and clothe them all over again.

No.5 Continually pointing out what is "unsafe" in friends’ houses

There are few things more annoying than new fathers who feel the need to point out all of the potential safety risks in your home. Maybe it’s time that they stopped yapping and realized that your glass coffee table, exposed outlets and barbed-wire encased ottoman have all been carefully selected with the expressive purpose of keeping their rambunctious little rug rats away.

No.4 Sharing your parent-exclusive knowledge

Although being a new father is a perfectly good excuse for being covered in baby spit up and snot, it isn’t grounds for boring your friends with your parent-exclusive knowledge. Trust us, if they want to know about the toxicity levels in toys or the benefits of using nipple shields, they’ll ask. Until that unlikely time arrives it’s important to keep your friends engaged by discussing topics you can all enjoy.

No.3 Belittling non-baby-related concerns

There are few things more aggravating than a new father who insists on playing a constant game of one-upmanship. You think you’re broke? You’re just lucky you don’t have to shell out for diapers and baby formula. You think you didn’t get much sleep last night? You should try waking up every half hour with a colicky baby. You think you have a lot to do around the house? You should try spending five hours cleaning SpaghettiOs and strained peas off of your ceiling fan. And on and on it goes.

No.2 Pressuring everyone to have children

Why is it that so many new fathers constantly ask their unwed pals when they’re going to have children of their own? Is it because they want to share in the bliss of caring for a newborn, or is it because they don’t want to have to suffer alone? Regardless of the reason, one thing we know for certain is that having a baby isn’t for everyone and no one should feel pressured into popping out a mucus-encrusted "Mini-Me" merely to appease their peers.

No.1 Letting baby trump everything

As a new father it’s only natural that you’ll want to focus all of your attention on your baby, but that’s no excuse for neglecting other aspects of your life like your friendships, your relationship with your wife, your health, and your personal hygiene. We understand that it isn’t easy finding time for everything, but you owe it to yourself to be the kind of man that your baby will want to grow up emulating.