Swabeng Top 10: Signs You're Not Cut Out For Fatherhood

I received an email from askmen.com whether or not I'm ready for fatherhood. As I opened it, it showed me the Top 10 signs that won't make me a good father figure. This post is an eye-opener for guys who wanted to be dads but not sure if they're fit to a bill. 

Top 10: Signs You're Not Cut Out For Fatherhood

All of your friends are starting to have children, and you’re slowly but surely warming up to the idea of becoming a father yourself. You love the thought of building tree forts and coaching sports teams, but are you really up for handling the less glamorous elements of being a parent? We can't tell you for certain whether you’ll be a good father, but we can definitely predict if you’ll be a bad one. Find out if you’re capable of becoming a dependable dad with these 10 signs you’re not cut out for fatherhood.

 

No.10 You always abandon projects

Remember that summer you tried to learn the guitar? Or that half semester you spent in cooking school? Or how about that day you tried to become a sword swallower? Admit it: You always set out with the best of intentions before abandoning each project once the glamour wears off and the real work sets in. And, make no mistake about it, children are a lot of work. If you're not in it for the long haul, you shouldn't be in it at all.

No.9 You're too materialistic

With all due respect to blazing infernos and cattle stampedes, nothing puts your material possessions at greater risk than letting an infant have free reign over your house. Apple juice will be smeared on your artwork, slices of cheese will be loaded into your Blu-ray player and puddles of drool will cover every single surface in your home. If you can't handle that kind of kiddie-induced carnage, you may not be ready for fatherhood.

No.8 You're a Womb Raider

A womb raider is a male gold digger who deliberately impregnates a wealthier woman within weeks of meeting her. And while there’s nothing amiss with knocking up an heiress if you genuinely like children, there is something fundamentally wrong about doing it purely because you want to quit your day job. Children are a blessing, not a meal ticket.

No.7 All of your plants are dead

If you're too busy to water your Chinese evergreen once a week, there's no way you're going to find the time to diaper, clothe, feed, entertain, and nurture a baby. Being a parent is easily the most demanding job in the world, and it requires a concentrated, full-time commitment.

No.6 You're a neat freak

Babies were designed to get messy. They poop, barf and fling their feces around like Charlie Sheen after a half-dozen cocktails. If you can't stand the thought of your home looking like it's been ravaged by a hurricane, then you're probably not ready for children.

No.5 You're a slob

Perhaps the only thing worse than being a neat freak is being an unrepentant slob. If you can't clean up after yourself, then there's no way you're going to be able to keep up with the mountains of toxic diapers, stained washcloths and pee-soaked onesies your baby will generate on an hourly basis.

No.4 You need to be the center of attention

One of the most difficult things about having a child is coming to terms with the fact that you no longer matter. Oh, sure, you’re still essential to your baby’s care and well-being, but friends and family members will suddenly start ignoring you to give their undivided attention to your little bundle of joy. Playing second fiddle to an incomprehensible rug rat may be fine for some men, but it can be a huge blow to the ego for guys accustomed to having the spotlight all to themselves.

No.3 You're in debt up to your eyeballs

Anyone who insists that children are priceless clearly hasn’t read the latest data. According to the Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion, the typical two-parent family will spend $222,360 on a child by the time he reaches 17. And that’s assuming you have a son. If you have a daughter, you’ll also want to shell out an additional $10,000 on a chastity belt and a shotgun to scare away her potential suitors. If that sounds like more money than you’d care to spend, you may have to wait until your finances are in order before having children.

No.2 You have zero patience

When it comes to dealing with children, patience is more than just a virtue -- it's an absolute necessity. Most children don’t begin to talk until they’re 14 to 20 months old, and their frequent inability to be understood often results in epic meltdowns. Make no mistake about it, you will have Lego blocks flung at your head, strained carrots dumped into your lap and any number of ballistic devices aimed at your groin. It’s absolutely critical that you maintain patience and composure during these trying times, as your baby tries to communicate his most pressing needs and desires. If you can't handle that -- and many men can’t -- you may not be ready for fatherhood.

No.1 You want a surrogate you

We know that your life may not have turned out exactly the way you wanted, but having a child won’t magically erase all of your past mistakes, and you can’t live vicariously through your kid. Anyone who enters fatherhood with those kinds of ulterior motives is setting themselves -- and their offspring -- up for a lifetime of bitter failure.