How to be stressed in 2011

While doing my regular stuff, I was able to browse this over The Philippine Star, Saturday's issue.

If you found year 2010 stressful, and you would want to keep yourself stressed in the New Year, then make sure you understand the principles why you should stay stressed.

Here are the reasons why staying stressed is so important:

* STRESS HELPS YOU SEEM IMPORTANT. Anyone as stressed as you must be working very hard and, therefore, is probably doing something very crucial.

* IT HELPS YOU TO MAINTAIN PERSONAL DISTANCE AND AVOID INTIMACY. Anyone as busy as you are certainly can’t be expected to form emotional attachments to anyone. And let’s face it, you’re not much fun to have around anyway.

* IT HELPS YOU AVOID RESPONSIBILITIES. Obviously, you are too stressed to be given any more work. This gets you off the hook for all the mundane chores. Let someone else take care of them.

* IT HELPS YOU AVOID SUCCESS. Why take risks just to be successful, when by being stressed you can avoid all kinds of risks? Stress keeps your performance level so low, even success won’t be a threat.

* IT GIVES YOU A CHEMICAL RUSH. Stress can actually be considered a cheap thrill, and you can give yourself a ‘hit’ or a ‘high’ any time you choose. But be careful! You just might get addicted to your own adrenaline.

* STRESS ALSO HELPS YOU KEEP YOUR AUTHORITARIAN MANAGEMENT STYLE. The authoritarian style of ‘Just do what I say!’ is generally permissible under crisis conditions. If you maintain a perpetually-stressed crisis atmosphere, then you can justify an authoritarian style of management all of the time. And now that the New Year is here, make sure you do the following in order to stay stressed:

* NEVER EXERCISE. Exercise wastes a lot of the time that could be spent worrying.

* EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT. Hey, if cigarette smoke can’t cleanse your system, a balanced diet isn’t likely to either.

* GAIN WEIGHT. Work hard at staying at least 25 pounds over your recommended weight.

* TAKE PLENTY OF STIMULANTS. The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to do the job just fine.

* GET RID OF YOUR SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEM. Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that you concern yourself with friendships only if you have the time - and that you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.

* PERSONALIZE ALL CRITICISM. Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, house, car or dog is mounting a personal attack. Don’t waste time to listen to them; be offended, then return the attack!

* THROW OUT YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn’t be treated as one.

* MALES AND FEMALES ALIKE BE MACHO: Never ask for any help. And if you want it done right, do it yourself!

* BECOME A WORKAHOLIC: Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home in the evenings and for the weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are for sissies.

* PROCRASTINATE. Putting things off until the last second always produces a marvelous... amount of stress.

* WORRY ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN’T CONTROL: Worry about the stock market, the credit crunch, water shortage... And earthquakes. And the approaching Ice Age. You know, all the big issues.

* BECOME NOT JUST A PERFECTIONIST, BUT ONE WITH IMPOSSIBLY HIGH STANDARDS. And either beat yourself up, or feel guilty, depressed, discouraged and inadequate when you don’t meet them.

When you do all these, I promise you, life will become unbearable. You will become unbearable. And you will lie down on your bed and wonder why some people just have the good fortune of being successful and happy – and you don’t... Duh?!

There will be challenges awaiting us, but learn to live one day at a time. Never for a moment forget that God is still in control, and that you are not God.